PreReview

Prereview was a website I maintained for a few years. Some friends and I would write reviews of movies that had yet to come to theaters. Theses reviews were not based on previews, rather they were written as if we had already seen the movies. Some reviews are not safe for work, (hint: those are usually the best ones).

PreReview Site archive
Here's an example:

Star Wars: episode whatever
Lucas has learned his lesson. He overused computers to the point that it ruined his last two films. From Jar-jar to crappy looking blurry robot armies to confusing laser battles - it's all been bad. For the last Star Wars movie Lucas has decided to take a departure and not use computers whatsoever. After several months of rehersal Star Wars : Episode Whatever was shot in one take on a sound stage in Hollywood. Actors used minimal costumes and props. Light sabers were cardboard mailing tubes, blasters were pointed fingers, and the sound effects were people going "buzzzzz" and "zap". Lucas, with bravado and daring, is proving that the important part of good movie making is the story and not the special effects. Surprisingly, the budget for this movie is still well over 200 million and, (perhaps not quite so surprisingly) it still sucks. Turns out Lucas wouldn't know a good character or story line if they took turns keying his Prius (license plate CAR2D2?).
prereviewer - Joe McKay 2/10/05